OT: waaaaaaay OT....

[Gleb]

And people are afraid of that because the "rest" of your life can seem to be a very long time indeed.

I always thought that it could seem alot longer without a significant other. Longer in a bad way. But I also understand that some people actually don't mind it. Something like marriage just might not be for them. Lastly, some people might not be lucky enough to find a S.O.

[Steve Dold]

I think some people are afraid of a big change, like buying a house.

Also, often a guy would rather look like he's afraid of commitment when the reality is he is only using the woman for sex and temporary companionship, but doesn't see her as marriage material at the time because he thinks he can do better.

[Michelle]

GREAT. Thanks Steve. At least now I know what the problem is.

[Steve Dold]

Guys typically set their standards about three or four points higher than they should. I did it too, and it was the reason I stayed single for a long time, and didn't have a lot of luck in clubs. Most of my friends had the same problem, and it never occured to us that the answer was simply lowering our standards. I don't know what this has to do with anything, but guys eventually come to terms with the fact that a 5 is not likely to land a 10. [Edit: unless he has big money, or is the instructor in her scuba/skydiving/snowboarding/whatever class]

[Aisling]

i dunno steve.. every one of my ex's friends and family said i was a 20 on a scale of 1-10 and that he'd never do better than me... and that includes looks as well as the rest of the package (intelligence, wit, etc)... i think that some men are intimidated by women who are smarter than they are... what do you think about that?

[skatha]

Well, I had just started seeing Sam and I took my kids to Disney World in FL. I spent every evening outside the RV talking to him on my cellphone and everyday seeing and experiencing things that I wished he was there seeing and experiencing with me, even silly things like the adventure with the frog that snuck into the RV(I woke up about 2 am with a cold frog sitting on my face-yeech)
I told him when I got home that I never wanted to be apart from him that long again, and, other than his 3 week hospital stay after his wreck last Nov, we haven't been apart

[Steve Dold]

i think that some men are intimidated by women who are smarter than they are... what do you think about that?

It's happening to me right now! Just kidding, I don't know about that. It might be true, but it's not something my friends or I have ever talked about. I think smart is pretty attractive.

[dantheman0177]

Interesting question.


But HOW do you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person? And why are some people so afraid of that?

Put it this way, I didn't have any great epithany (sp?) but just realised over time that my life was better with Vanessa as part of it than it would be if she wasn't.

[dantheman0177]

I think some people are afraid of a big change, like buying a house.

Wow, that's the second time today that someone has compared buying a house to marriage. OK, so maybe I am biased because I am a real estate agent, but to me buying my house was a piece of cake compared with the dramas associated with getting married. The only time I was stressed then was waiting for the bank to approve my finance. Now I am getting stressed any time someone even mentions the dreaded "w" word.

Heres a tip for all you people with kids or who want to have kids or might have kids one day: Whatever they decide to do for their wedding, just be happy for them and don't under any circumstances try to change their ideas. Vanessa and I have some ideas for our day that we have thought through and think are very "us" and the only people who don't think it will be great are my parents! It's causing all sorts of grief and I don't like grief.

I think we are somewhere between about icons 5 and 6 in this string....

[bartron]

i think that some men are intimidated by women who are smarter than they are

That's true to a point. Less than half the men I know are like that. The ones I do know who are like that say they find such women "...difficult...".

The universities around here, as well as other parts of North America, are experiencing for the first time a student population consisting mostly of women, as more and more men opt for trade schools instead of university. A local newspaper published a feature about it and how it affects relationships. They intereviewed several men and women, asking them if they would be comfortable in a relationship where the woman is more educated than the man. All of the women said they would be comfortable, as long as the man was intelligent and could carry a conversation. Several of the men, less than half, said they would not be comfortable in such a relationship.

I'm in the camp that doesn't care if the woman is smarter or not, as long as she's not frustratingly stupid.

'later...

[Allee]

Whatever they decide to do for their wedding, just be happy for them and don't under any circumstances try to change their ideas. Vanessa and I have some ideas for our day that we have thought through and think are very "us" and the only people who don't think it will be great are my parents! It's causing all sorts of grief and I don't like grief.

Hallelujah. I have a friend who's planning her wedding at the moment. She's Chinese and quite traditional, her parents live in Hong Kong. Her other half is first gen Canadian. They're getting grief from all sides re the traditional v western wedding and where it should be, it's pretty stressful for her. My advice ... you can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself...

I had another friend whose mother basically hijacked her wedding, and completely tuned out anything she wanted. In the end, they eloped... I can't say I don't think Mama had it coming.

Seems like there's nothing that brings out the worst in families like weddings and funerals...

[bartron]

Hallelujah. I have a friend who's planning her wedding at the moment. She's Chinese and quite traditional, her parents live in Hong Kong. Her other half is first gen Canadian. They're getting grief from all sides re the traditional v western wedding and where it should be, it's pretty stressful for her. My advice ... you can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself...

One of my cousins was in a similar situation a short while ago (Christian vs Hindu) and solved it by having two weddings.

'later...

[Allee]

One of my cousins was in a similar situation a short while ago (Christian vs Hindu) and solved it by having two weddings.

Yikes. Organising one is enough of a hassle!

I think they've settled on a wedding in Calgary and a reception in Hong Kong. They're still debating the points of the traditional ceremony, I actually think that Chinese weddings sound like a whole heap of fun ... the bride is upstairs and her friends guard the staircase on the wedding morning. The groom has to do whatever they say to prove he's worthy before he can go and get her ... apparently a lot of fun to watch! And some of the games at the wedding sound like a scream too ... like passing the egg up the guy's pants leg and down the other one. If you're nice, the egg is hard boiled ...

[ncermak]

Glad to see the this thread is continuing to progress without my direct oversight.

First...the update. I have been working on a new jobsite down in Fairhaven Mass, and we don't have our internet set up yet, but furthermore, I've been wicked busy getting the job going.

Lindsay and I just put in an offer on a condo in Grafton, close to where she will be earning her Vet. Degree, and it was accepted. pso needless to say, things are still going well.


now to put in my $0.02 on some recent questions.

How long did it take me to know...aouyt 6 months of being friends before I came to my senses, then It took another 2 months to convince her. within a couple of months after that, we knew...

if getting married and buying a house are similar, it will try my patiendce, but ultimately work out.

gotta go now...

hope alls well with all of you

-Noah

[dantheman0177]

OK, I think my mum ("mom" to all you Americans) is sorted, subject to Vanessa and I finalising a venue for lunch. What a drama. I had to tell her point blank that there is nothing I would less rather do than have a full sit down reception for 150 people and if it comes down to culling numbers back to about the 60-70 that we want, the first people to go will be her's and dad's brothers and sisters. We want the people that we "want to invite", not the people that we "have to invite". But we thrashed through it and I think she understands where we are coming from now. Besides, we are going to have a big celebration at night anyway and invite everybody so nobody gets completely offended (anyone want to drop in????).

Oh and speaking of buying a house being less stressful than planning a wedding, the whole wedding thing must have made me so stressed that I am seriously looking at buying another house!

[Michelle]

Guys typically set their standards about three or four points higher than they should. I did it too, and it was the reason I stayed single for a long time, and didn't have a lot of luck in clubs. Most of my friends had the same problem, and it never occured to us that the answer was simply lowering our standards. I don't know what this has to do with anything, but guys eventually come to terms with the fact that a 5 is not likely to land a 10. [Edit: unless he has big money, or is the instructor in her scuba/skydiving/snowboarding/whatever class]

I don't think ANYONE should lower their standards or "settle" for anything less than what they want. That leads to eventual resentment of the person, or straying to find something "better", etc. Maybe "changing your standards" is a better term, but feeling like you are lowering them is NOT the way to go.

[Allee]

I have a girlfriend who is guy mad, but she has a list - and I kid you not - with about 12 things the guy has to "meet". Height, weight, hair colour, income, interests, you name it. If he doesn't meet the list she won't even date him. She's 37 and still single.

Does she need to "lower her standards"? Or just "change the filter"?

I think there are always non negotiables. I could never date a smoker. But other than that you need to be a bit flexible...

[Gecko]

I like the word filter...not that it matters to me now...the only two women that I have ever loved are married one to a guy who (IMO) treats her like **** and the other to me The funny/strange thing is that though they are completely different looking they are very very similar people in both their persononality and background. So I guess my filter is calibrated pretty well

[skatha]

I have a girlfriend who is guy mad, but she has a list - and I kid you not - with about 12 things the guy has to "meet". Height, weight, hair colour, income, interests, you name it. If he doesn't meet the list she won't even date him. She's 37 and still single.

Does she need to "lower her standards"? Or just "change the filter"?

I think there are always non negotiables. I could never date a smoker. But other than that you need to be a bit flexible...

My ideal guy in my mind probably doesn't exist!
You have to remember that guys over 6' tall comprise only about 20% on the population, if you start adding income restrictions, education, hair color....
I think she needs to re-assess her filter...
With 2 kids, my post divorce dating filter got narrowed to "cute guy, preferably with a beard, college grad, not an axe murderer or child molester"
I realized the best place to look was divorced dads, even though I swore to try to avoid the whole divorce scene as a 20-something

[skipuppy]

The perfect housewarming present

[skatha]

Hey, my hubby was somebody's ex!

[dantheman0177]

@ skipuppy.

That is hillarious. My PA and I are cacking ourselves at that one. Where do we buy them????

[skipuppy]

www.overstock.com search for "ex knife"

[Michelle]

I LOVE THAT!!!! Every time I go to New Orleans, I go to the Voodoo shop and contemplate a voodoo doll for the ex......But this is more direct.

[skipuppy]

A story about a fly, a fish, a bear, a hunter, a mouse and a cat.
There is a moral to this story, but not exactly the one most of us are
expecting!

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake.

The hot, dry fly who said, to no one in particular, "Gosh... if I go
down three
inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."

There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down
three
inches, I can eat him."

There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down
three
inches that fish will jump for the fly... and I will grab him!"

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake
preparing to
eat a cheese sandwich...

"Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish
leaps
for it... that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.
"I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."

Now, you probably think this is enough activity on one bank of a lake,
but I can
tell you there's more...

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh if that fly goes
down three
inches... and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that
fish... the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought (as was
fashionable
to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time), "Gosh...
if that
fly goes down three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly... and
that bear
grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear... and that mouse
makes off
with the cheese sandwich... then I can have mouse for lunch."

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the
cooling
mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly... The bear grabs the fish... The hunter
shoots the
bear... The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich... The cat jumps for the
mouse...
The mouse ducks... The cat falls into the water and drowns.

The moral of the story is:

Whenever a fly goes down three inches, somewhere there's a pussy in serious
danger.

[Michelle]

Ok, how many of you have gone back to an EX and had it work out? To me, there's a reason they are EX's.....but maybe I am wrong, missing something here.

[Steve Dold]

A friend of mine has, but I'd describe them more as "content" than happy.

[skipuppy]

I tried breaking up with one of my ex's several times and failed (got convinced to stay back in). The reason why he is my ex: he hurt me enough so that I could not get over feeling bitter or hurt by him as soon as it got rough when we were together. Since I am young, after getting out of that one (and therapy), I've realized that this guy was quite the jerk.

there is a good reason for an ex being an ex

On a light note... I MET THIS TOTALLY INCREDIBLY SUPER COOL AWESOME GUY that I am totally psyched about and I think he is a better skier than I am. Lucky for me, being an alpine boarder in addition to a skier qualifies you for undeniable style and coolness points

[Sinecure]

This thread is at risk of falling off the front page.

Tuesday I had a date with a woman who has lots of ski pictures in her match.com profile. Our date: picked her up around 2:00 and helped her get new brake pads into her bike (first time I'd changed disc brake pads on a bicycle before). Mounted bikes to the back of my car and her two surfboards to the top.

Drove up the hill to Skeggs off Skyline and rode for about an hour. Bikes back on car and drove to the Bakery in Pescadero. I was almost dissapointed when we walked in and the rack where they keep the amazing Artichoke bread was empty. I asked, the guy checked and brought me out two loaves that had literally just come out of the oven. Awesome snack! Drove south along rte. 1 toward Santa Cruz. Called Hugh and Jimfa to get the scoop on where we might find some waves. They both had suggestions. It turned out it was very flat everywhere, but we still paddled around a bit and tried to catch a wave or two. Drove her home and dropped her off with her gear. Best date I've had in ages. Its a real bummer that this woman really wants to have kids of her own and I have no interest in having more kids. The good news is we agreed we make great friends and that's good enough. If she doesn't meet Mr. Right in the next 4 years it will be too late for her to realistically expect to have kids and then I'll bring the subject up again.

Got another date tonight. We were supposed to go to a free concert in my town. Yesterday afternoon she calls and says she got great tickets to tonight's Giants game. I haven't seen a baseball game all summer so I'm psyched to go. Too bad this one doesn't ski/board. She is hot looking and nice though.

Surfer/Biker/Skier Chick:




Baseball Game Chick:

[skipuppy]

too bad my mom moved to reno two days ago she is totally awesome too