OT: waaaaaaay OT....

[kjl]

I'm pretty sure the handbook you are all looking for is The Alphabet of Manliness, a book so manly even the sentences don't have periods.

[Allee]

I'm pretty sure the handbook you are all looking for is The Alphabet of Manliness, a book so manly even the sentences don't have periods.

Or, just lacking in basic language skills. Blokes whose second language is English, because their first is grunting ...

Have any of the girls on here ever read Stuff or Maxim, or anything similar? I LOVE those magazines, they're hilarious. I giggle my way through the other half's every month.

[kjl]

Or, just lacking in basic language skills. Blokes whose second language is English, because their first is grunting ...

Have any of the girls on here ever read Stuff or Maxim, or anything similar? I LOVE those magazines, they're hilarious. I giggle my way through the other half's every month.

I'm a guy, but I feel my IQ bleeding profusely from my ears, nose, and slack, gaping, mouthbreathing pie hole when I "read" Stuff or Maxim

[jdgang]

J-,
If you really, REALLY wanted your wife to "love" you more, make sure she walks up to you while you are mocking how she was acting giving birth to get a laugh from your buddies.....it's truly priceless and one of those really "fond" memories I have of my ex-

That is most likely one of the most classless things I have ever heard.....My likely I would not be able to snowboard after that....Not just because my wife would have burned all of my equipment after she had thrown me out but would have also broken both of my legs in the process

[skatha]

That is most likely one of the most classless things I have ever heard.....My likely I would not be able to snowboard after that....Not just because my wife would have burned all of my equipment after she had thrown me out but would have also broken both of my legs in the process

He is my ex- you know.....


Actually I had an "instant karma" moment with the concept of physical force and a spouse...
we were moving into the first house we purchased and he did something that really P-O'd me off...
Our fights were really short, I'd yell and he'd jump into his truck and drive off without saying anything...this time I was so mad, I turned around and punched the support post of our new house's deck-and broke my wrist and thumb....
I realized then that 1. domestic violence wasn't what it was cracked up to be and 2. if I was so mad at somebody that I wanted to punch something, I certainly didn't need to be married to him-okay, it took 5 years to figure out #2, but I did eventually reach that conclusion

[dantheman0177]

Have any of the girls on here ever read Stuff or Maxim, or anything similar? I LOVE those magazines, they're hilarious. I giggle my way through the other half's every month.

Every man should read Cosmo and Cleo to know how they are expected to be thinking for the next month.

Next time you ask a woman "What's wrong?" and she answers "If you don't know well I'm not going to tell you!" go and read the current issue and it is bound to give you a few pointers as to exactly what is p...ing her of this month.

[Michelle]

Have any of the girls on here ever read Stuff or Maxim, or anything similar? I LOVE those magazines, they're hilarious. I giggle my way through the other half's every month.

"Read" is such a relative term here. Can you actually read anything in those magazines, including Glamor, Cosmo, Maxim, etc etc.

Dan, didn't you just get engaged? Is that how you figured it all out?

[kjl]

"Read" is such a relative term here. Can you actually read anything in those magazines, including Glamor, Cosmo, Maxim, etc etc.

If pictures are worth a thousand words, I calculate that each of those magazines contains roughly 8x10^14 times as many words as all the books contained in the Library of Congress combined, or approximately the same number of words as the number of hydrogen atoms within the known limits of the universe.

[Allee]

Can you actually read anything in those magazines, including Glamor, Cosmo, Maxim, etc etc.

I think last time I read Cosmo there was about 10 pages of articles and about 80 pages of cosmetic ads, and the odd page of like "Copy This Style!" showing how you could get Nicole Ritchie's look for a tenth of the cost - not that any of the clothes would fit you anyway.

At least Maxim has pages with some reasonable jokes, and a pretty good section on cool toys (which is my favourite part). And some of the advice is great for a laugh.

[dantheman0177]

Michelle, Sshhhh, don't tell anyone you are onto my secret!

Ken, you really are a geek you know!

[skipuppy]

An 80 years old Arab American man has lived close
to New York City for more than 50 years. He would
love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is
alone, old and weak. His only son is working in
Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail.
He explains the problem:

"My beloved son, I am very
sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden.
I am sure, if only you were here, you would have
helped me and dug up the garden for me. I love you,
your father."

The following day, the old man receives a response
e-mail from his son:

"My beloved father, please don't touch the garden.
It's there that I have hidden 'THE THING'. I love you
too, Ahmad".

At 4 pm the US Army, the Marines,
the FBI and the CIA visit the house of the old man,
take the whole garden apart, search every inch,
but can't find anything.

Disappointed, they apologize and leave the house.

The next day, the old man receives another e-mail
from his son: "My beloved father, I hope the garden
is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes.
That's all I could do for you from here on such
short notice. I love you, Ahmad."

[carverchick]

Ha-ha...Really Cute

Sorry my vocabulary is limited this morning, I've been on Prior's website again, drooling over the new PowStick I am going to buy.

[Sinecure]

Funny Old Man....



Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks, "What?" Sex!!" he replies.

Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.

"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.

Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.


Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked into the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"



Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's.

[carverchick]

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE,

THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO

FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.

I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS.
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS....................................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.

JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO...
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!

[Gleb]

sinecure....

and carverchick, thats classic as well. keep em coming.

[ncermak]

Now back to our regularly scheduled programing...

Phil and Michelle - Anything to report from your drunken tour of central america?

Rusty and Michelle - How was that afternoon at the TIKI Bar with mom's special NH wine? (phil - you better act quick before Rusty swoops in...)


Aisling - anything to report????

and when, For the love of god, will we get the ride report of the Gleb and skipup hook up - come on, guys...its staring you right in the face...at least hook up for one date!

- Living vicariously through all of you -

Noah

[skatha]

what a great way to start the am!




Arrrggghhh...5 more days until I start walking....
I got a new cam boot from the podiatrist...It a sad statement when the fabric starts falling off your old one from the velcro pulling....

I was thinking..... who is the god/goddess of snowboarding?
Doesn't Pele have something to do with surfing?

Allee doesn't count as the goddess, even tho she scored the free board

[carverchick]

Can I volunteer to be the goddess? I'm cute, and a carver. Sorry I had to chime in.

*Goes back to staring at snowboard*

[Allee]

... or so the very gay French guy at the gym told me this morning. I like to scare all the new guys at our gym, it's a kind of sport for the regulars and I.

Mama Gena says "we are all goddesses and should be treated as such".

But we do actually need a patron goddess - the Greek one is KHIONE was a Nymphe consort of Boreas, the god of the cold north wind. SKADI is the Norse snow-shoe goddess. Or we have THE DARK MAID, the Chinese Goddess who sends frost and snow...

[jdgang]

Me and my friends actually saw the goddess of snowboarding once. I remember the day just like yesterday...1993 Vernon, NJ Me and a group of boarders where hiking a kicker off of Zero G at Vernon late Feb early March mid afternoon since the lifts to crowded (that hasnt change in 13 years) Nice day around 35-40 degrees. All of a sudden the goddess appears wearing tight black stretch pants white half shirt with black suspenders everthing about her was perfect Everybody hitting the kicker stops and stares while she prefectly carves down the hill.....She then disappeared and we never saw her again.

[skatha]

I like Skadi, if anything because the Norse afterlife occurs in VALHALLA, and all the really cool good guys from the movies I like to watch go there once they are killed in the pivotal scene....




In any case, I must have really pissed her off to still be dealing with my "snowboarder's ankle" almost 18 months after the original injury....
And now I must make penance.....
Or is penance too Christian a concept?
How 'bout "now I must make a blood sacrifice"?
or buy beer for everybody(the college penance)?

[carverchick]

Hmm I think I would like to be the snow and frost goddess. I'd like to be responsible for so many riders happiness But I'm not chinese, so being Black and Sicilian will just have to work

[Allee]

All of a sudden the goddess appears wearing tight black stretch pants white half shirt with black suspenders everthing about her was perfect

The stretch pants! I had some of those when I first started (I inherited them, as I had no gear of my own). I was getting onto a lift with my friend Kim and the lifty practically tripped over himself and stumbled off under the lift. I said to Kim "what was that lifty doing?" and she calmly replied "checking out you a$$, my dear ..."

[carverchick]

Haha that's funny. I actually saw a pretty pair of red tight ski pants that I almost bought in Sun Valley. I wish I had bought them now, not that I want people to stare at my derriere

[skatha]

Okay, I've got a link to further my argument...

http://matrifocus.com/SAM02/wheel.htm



read....she's got to be a big deal since the Scandinavian peninsula named after her....


I'm also doodling out snowboard designs....
I can use any of the candidates....

[Allee]

She looks pretty cool, but I think the guys would be a bit worried if we adopted a goddess who runs around chopping off you-know-whats!

[skatha]

She looks pretty cool, but I think the guys would be a bit worried if we adopted a goddess who runs around chopping off you-know-whats!

Only we would have to know that, girl....it would be a private smiley thing for us girrrrrls.....



edit: I just realized that the "Land of Scandinavia" pic used looks like a "package"! hmmmmmm.....

[Sinecure]

Can I volunteer to be the goddess? I'm cute, and a carver. Sorry I had to chime in.

I think this may have been said before, but...


This is useless w/out pics!

[ncermak]

I think this may have been said before, but...


This is useless w/out pics!

well said!

[carvedog]

well said!

They get mean without pictures as previously mentioned.