OT: waaaaaaay OT....

[Dave Pushee]

"Iron this. Then get me a beer."

Umm, for a real man, wouldn't that be the other way around? Beer first, iron second?

[Sinecure]

Who's the man?

[Gleb]

i think its time i whip one of my movies outta the closet. Last april, me and my friends from the wrestling team went to Clearfield, PA to eat the world's largest burger. Its kind of a big download, but its pretty funny. We showed this at a show the senior class at my high school put on. best vid there. Enjoy!

btw, i'm the one in the army helmet

[Sinecure]

Received today in email from an old FB:

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to
wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the
laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use
on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your
shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...


A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to
make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman
replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says
as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you
think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn
like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she
replied.



He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She
said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing
board while I sit on the sofa and pass gas!


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking,
sensitive man?
A: A rumor


A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were
celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their
special day a good fairy came to them and said that
because they had been so good that each one of them
could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around
the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in
her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years
younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!


A PRAYER....
Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: Why do! little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males
after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the
toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A
man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your
e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Send this to five bright, funny women you know and
make their day! And send this to five bright men who
have enough sense of humor to take it!

[Michelle]

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the
toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

[dantheman0177]

: Life is tough.





ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago , when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine. The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him to emergency!



"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

[Aisling]

those can't possibly be real... please... say they didn't happen ... someone... dear lawd....

[Gleb]

Q: Why do women have such small feet?
A: So they could stand closer to the sink.

Q: Why don't women need licenses?
A: There are no roads between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Q: Why don't women need a watch?
A: There is a clock on the oven.

Those are just the start. Im not sexist, i just that those are hilarious

[skipuppy]

The Obedient Wife
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of
her heart that when he died, she would put all of
the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was
sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting
next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the
undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I
can't go back on my word. I promised him that
I was going to put that money in that casket with
him."
You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together,
put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

[Gleb]

i'm liking this!

these are kinda mean but oh well:

What do you tell a women with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.

[bjvircks]

one smart cookie ! My hat is off to her.


Another answer to the two black eyes.... Reduce the size of your implants, girl. (I'm all in favor of going 'natural')

[Michelle]

It is good to be a woman:


1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3 Taxis stop for us.

4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked

12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

13. We will never regret piercing our ears

14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems..

15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.


OK, enough already. This thread needs more flirting and with the SES and ECES coming up, let's see what we can come up with. Aisling, what cha got?

[Gleb]

best thing bout being a guy? well...take a guess

[Allee]

Yeah, it's just a shame that you have to think with it.

[Neil Gendzwill]

10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

Ever watch "What Not To Wear?" Apparently not all women have that gene.

[Gleb]

oo

Yeah, it's just a shame that you have to think with it.

oooo burned!!!!

lol

i was thinking more about the monthly bleeding part

[Aisling]

michelle... i got nothin... i have learned however... that when someone hurts you and they try to get you back... and you basically treat them like crap and are a total bitch to them... it only makes them want you more.

what the deuce?

anywaste... i haven't gone riding yet and i feel like if i don't go for the second year in a row i will just break down and cry. i just can't seem to get any time free and i need a vacation like you read about.

what you got?

[Michelle]

I got nothing either. Although I will keep those words of wisdom in mind! I have no idea what is up with men - I guess it is not for me to figure out.


I've got too much going on right now to have anything in the romantic field. What can we cook up for the ECES? You will be there, right????

[bobdea]

michelle... i got nothin... i have learned however... that when someone hurts you and they try to get you back... and you basically treat them like crap and are a total bitch to them... it only makes them want you more.

what the deuce?

anywaste... i haven't gone riding yet and i feel like if i don't go for the second year in a row i will just break down and cry. i just can't seem to get any time free and i need a vacation like you read about.

what you got?

Damn Aisling!
go to stop and shop and get $6(3 boxes) worth of Mrs Ts peirogies, this earns you a free pass to wachusett, after that all you need to do is find the time.

[Gleb]

michelle, you should definitly just give up. and aisling, you defintly need to get out more often. Tell your boss that you "got in a horrible plane crash, but you'll be in the next day." -Family Guy

[Mike T]

michelle, you should definitly just give up

Heh - not long after I "gave up", I wound up dating a good friend, who I eventually married. Careful

aisling, you defintly need to get out more often. Tell your boss that you "got in a horrible plane crash, but you'll be in the next day." -Family Guy

Someone please just kidnap Aisling and take her to the mountain. Same for D-Sub. (D-Sub, we needed you at Bachelor today - woulda made a dozen hardbooters!)

[philfell]

A you haven't done it in two years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd cry to if I couldn't make it happen in that amount of time. Maybe you need to lower your expectations some, you don't need to go to a resort or specialized area to get it done. Many people simply found places close to home to experiment at. I first did it at a golf course.







I'm talking about snowboarding, you idiots. Michelle I may bring a special out fit for you at SES. Just to cheer you up.

[Michelle]

Gleb - I've already given up.

And Phil, I can't wait!!!

[Gleb]

so you turned lesbian and butch?

[Michelle]

Gleb, you need to read the past posts on this thread. Get a clue.

[Gleb]

[skipuppy]

My boyfriend sent me this link... maybe he is trying to say something about our relationship. Enjoy the video !!


Vid

[Aisling]

yes! someone kidnap me... brilliant!

[philfell]

OK I'll be at the Dunkin Doughnuts on the corner Friday at 4am. Look for a white van with the windows blacked out and me inside (I'll be the guy wearing a ski mask). Jump in. We'll get first chair at Okemo.

[snow|3oarder]

My boyfriend sent me this link... maybe he is trying to say something about our relationship. Enjoy the video !!


Vid

lol...that vid is pretty funny. There is more important stuff than money though!