OT: waaaaaaay OT....

[D-Sub]

Why don't guys ever think to do something like that for their women? We girls like that kind of stuff too. I'd love to come home seeing my man wearing nothing but an apron, making some seductive "desert" for us to share........Bottle of wine..... candle light.....sexy music....YOW

michelle has generalizationitis again

I used to throw everything I had into my relationships, until I started getting back only 50%, now I do nothing and have all the free time in the world

oh, and...open relationships. Ive known a few that worked. sure, there was jealousy sometimes, but they worked through it.

100% commitment is a fallacy.

[Maciek]

michelle has generalizationitis again

I used to throw everything I had into my relationships, until I started getting back only 50%, now I do nothing and have all the free time in the world

oh, and...open relationships. Ive known a few that worked. sure, there was jealousy sometimes, but they worked through it.

100% commitment is a fallacy.

Oh D-Sub that is very true. I did the same. After dating a few girls and having a few lovers (yes just for that and we mutaually agreed to that and everything worked out until we split to pursue other interest in lives) I ended up with my wife.

After almost 12 years... I don't know. Sometimes I miss that commitment from the other side. Nothing would replace some crazy stuff. Nothing! If the passion is gone... what do you have then? You triy to work hard, but you are accused. Then you stop working that hard and mutual interest is gone. Both sides go their own way even thoigh they do not cheat. Freidship? I have better and more passionate friends that make blood boiling... and still that stays friendship and not beyond that.

Maybe that's why I started that snowboarding and and now car racing... No kids, no home passions, no professional passions (you know how you feel when you do siliar things for 15 years).

Commitmment? Giving 100%? To whom? Someone who does not notice or ignores any attmptes or improvements?

That makes a person cold bastard.

[D-Sub]

Maciek, if i understand correctly your life with your wife seems a little empty, and it happens. It is so hard to hear about, but it happens far too often.

Im no psychologist, but Im tempted to think that we end up expecting too much from our "other" and end up disappointed when they can't deliver.

they may do it to us as well.

lately, I've been thinking that if I could learn to view a relationship with a woman the way I view my dog, true unconditional love, I'd be a better man for it. Not comparing women to dogs but saying...I just love my dog. I never falter, I never wish I could have another dog, and when I come home he is always happy to see me. We've had a few spats (he has bitten me twice, both times for good reasons) and Ive been pissed off at him a few times, but the underlying purity....

anyway...I know...totally unrealistic since human interaction is far more complicated, but...you mentioned one thing:

passion. not necessarily sexual, but that is part of it.

Ive had women who were amazing in bed, women who were amazing conversationalists, women who were impressive creatively, and a woman that was just middle-of-the-road, loyal and trustworthy, and sadly with the latter I just feel that Im missing out on too much..

so, again, we're back to the fact that its not just men who are a pain in the ass to deal with!

[Michelle]

Now who's generalizing......

I used to throw everything I had into my relationships, until I started getting back only 50%, now I do nothing and have all the free time in the world
100% commitment is a fallacy.

I think what D-Sub and Maciek are saying is that THEIR particular relationships have had some issues. Skatha says it too, but she also says "did I mention he is my ex?". I think if you find the right person, they will have all of the above - you will mesh great sexually, can hold an interesting conversation, is creative, active, loyal, and passionate. That's what makes a sucessful relationship, is one where both parties feel that way about each other. If one is not feeling it, then maybe it's time to move on??? I'm certainly no expert on relationships, but it seems that sometimes people spend years together (or they figure it out in months) and then realize they have grown in opposite directions. They may still care about each other, love each other, but maybe just don't want the same things out of life anymore? Or maybe they have come to realize they want something different??

Maybe I'm just rambling here......

and D-Sub, I do LOVE my dogs, all 3 of them. Can we start the "do you know why dogs are better than S.O.'s??" thread next?

[Gecko]

but my wife is my best friend period...we do alot (though not everything) together. I taught her to climb so that we could spend time together in the summer, I know I'll never get her to skateboard but I did get her on a motorcycle which was a great success. I'll be paying for her to take snowboard lessons at ECES next year because I am smart enough not to try to teach her she ski's and that's fine by me, we travel well together too we had a blast in Sydney last winter (there). I can't imagine not having her with me, the passion as you call it has only built over the years . Keep searching a good woman is out there when you find her DON"T LET GO

[skatha]

And, in defense of my current hubby, he is fixing dinner...

My first hubby, though...Items listed by Maciek and D-sub definitely could have been said about our relationship. We didn't have mutual interests, he expected passion to stay without working at it-I know that sounds counterintuitive....He wanted excitement and I was a dependable middle-of-the -road person...which is not to say I can't have fun, but he needed illicit-ness to feel "fresh" in a relationship-all the time.
He currently is working in Iraq. His current wife worked in Iraq for 18 months while he was stateside and now she works for an energy company(oil) and splits her time between Nigeria and China. They see each other very rarely, but, knowing my ex-, that's probably best for him.
Sam and I try to have weekends alone as much as possible. This year has been a bitch. We missed our yearly New Orleans trip for obvious reasons and we missed our Tahoe trip because of his broken leg. It's hard to do more than that because we have 3 kids between us. I took up snowsports because of Sam, now I'm addicted. He took up 65 mile bike rides for me.
We camp and hike, too

[Mike T]

i think it's ridiculous to think that no one will ever get jealous or hurt, etc...

... or a nasty disease... l

[skipuppy]

I like what Gecko has.

Sorry I haven't been doing anything online here.

[Michelle]

Ditto, although sometimes it is not always in the cards for everyone. Congrats to all who literally "got lucky"!

[Gecko]

Lucky is finding the right person but that doesn't mean that it doesn't require work. Any good relationship requires work or it will die

Ditto, although sometimes it is not always in the cards for everyone. Congrats to all who literally "got lucky"!

[Gleb]

I always thought that to be only partially true. My best relationship didn't really require work, or if it did, it sure didn't seem like it. It should almost come naturally instead of having to force something into it. Thats just my opinion though, and maybe overtime I'll prove myself wrong. Most of you have waaay more life experience than I do so don't listen to me

[Steve Dold]

It requires putting in effort but it might not seem like work if you enjoy it. Like carving

[skatha]

It requires putting in effort but it might not seem like work if you enjoy it. Like carving

That's completely true...When I was married to Carl, I used to look forward to the times he worked his shifts bacause I would have some "alone" time.
I did a run of nearly flawless carving in March and my first thought was I wished Sam( current hubby) had been there to see it....

[Michelle]

I have to agree. I dated a guy a while ago, and couldn't wait for Alone time. Although he was a bit scary, another story. However, the last guy I wanted to be with all the time (sometimes still do , again another story). I think it tells you something if you are trying to get away even some of the time.

[Steve Dold]

I don't think needing "alone" time is necessarily bad. When I was first married, we went to marriage counseling and the counseler drew two circles that overlapped each other and said that the two people in the marriage were like the circles - you overlap mostly, but not completely. In other words it's not usually a sign of trouble if either one wants to get away once in a while. It's just normal. Guys want to go work in the garage sometimes, or go do something with their buddies, and the wife will want to get away with her friends or do something alone too. 100% "togetherness" is not healthy and is just weird.

[Michelle]

Nope, I agree. You can't be with someone 100% of the time, although I know some people that do it. It's the Hoping and Looking Forward To the alone time that may show a bit of *trouble*.Although since I am not married I quite possibly don't know what I am talking about.

[Steve Dold]

In a normal healthy relationship, about the only time men really NEED to get away is the exact moment after sex is "finished", for some reason, men's brains have an internal routine programmed by years of evolution telling us to leave the area. It's like a fire alarm going off in your head. "Whoop! Whoop! Get out of the building! Whoop!" As we enter relationships we try to fight this, and we do it pretty well. But it's tough. It's like trying to train a dog to jump into your lap after you fire a starting pistol at him.

[skatha]

I don't think needing "alone" time is necessarily bad. When I was first married, we went to marriage counseling and the counseler drew two circles that overlapped each other and said that the two people in the marriage were like the circles - you overlap mostly, but not completely. In other words it's not usually a sign of trouble if either one wants to get away once in a while. It's just normal. Guys want to go work in the garage sometimes, or go do something with their buddies, and the wife will want to get away with her friends or do something alone too. 100% "togetherness" is not healthy and is just weird.

I understand....I'm talking that my ex- would be gone for 24-48 hours at a time, every 3 days....
and I would suffer through the 24 hours he was home....
That ain't right....

[Steve Dold]

Yep, that's a sure sign that you might be with Mr. Wrong

[Michelle]

In a normal healthy relationship, about the only time men really NEED to get away is the exact moment after sex is "finished", for some reason, men's brains have an internal routine programmed by years of evolution telling us to leave the area. It's like a fire alarm going off in your head. "Whoop! Whoop! Get out of the building! Whoop!" As we enter relationships we try to fight this, and we do it pretty well. But it's tough. It's like trying to train a dog to jump into your lap after you fire a starting pistol at him.

What kind of excuse is that?

[skatha]

I think I broke my hubby of that annoying habit....especially with his recent leg fracture....

[Gleb]

I just remembered something important when it comes to a completly open relationship, or a no strings attached one. As Chris Rock said, "don't end up in the friend zone." so true. Saw it happen to a few of my friends when they were trying to get a relationship going. I can elaborate later, i'm off to party!

[skipuppy]

The fire alarm is going off in my room. I dont feel inclined to leave.. Ugh how annoying.

[The Waterboy]

Originally Posted by Steve Dold
In a normal healthy relationship, about the only time men really NEED to get away is the exact moment after sex is "finished", for some reason, men's brains have an internal routine programmed by years of evolution telling us to leave the area. It's like a fire alarm going off in your head. "Whoop! Whoop! Get out of the building! Whoop!" As we enter relationships we try to fight this, and we do it pretty well. But it's tough. It's like trying to train a dog to jump into your lap after you fire a starting pistol at him.

Sorry, but I'm not going to let a statement like that about men in general slip by unqualified.

And I can't say I speak for men in general. But I do know that my friends haven't mentioned anything like that in their own relationships, (mind you, I couldn't say all their relationships have been healthy either).

But can definitely say that the only place I want to be afterwards is right next to her.

So men are a mixed bunch.

And come to think of it, women are probably the same way too.

[Gecko]

Originally Posted by Steve Dold
In a normal healthy relationship, about the only time men really NEED to get away is the exact moment after sex is "finished", for some reason, men's brains have an internal routine programmed by years of evolution telling us to leave the area. It's like a fire alarm going off in your head. "Whoop! Whoop! Get out of the building! Whoop!" As we enter relationships we try to fight this, and we do it pretty well. But it's tough. It's like trying to train a dog to jump into your lap after you fire a starting pistol at him.

Sorry, but I'm not going to let a statement like that about men in general slip by unqualified.

And I can't say I speak for men in general. But I do know that my friends haven't mentioned anything like that in their own relationships, (mind you, I couldn't say all their relationships have been healthy either).

But can definitely say that the only place I want to be afterwards is right next to her.

So men are a mixed bunch.

And come to think of it, women are probably the same way too.

Funny I agree though I have been inclined to drag her into a shower for another

[Michelle]

I just remembered something important when it comes to a completly open relationship, or a no strings attached one. As Chris Rock said, "don't end up in the friend zone." so true. Saw it happen to a few of my friends when they were trying to get a relationship going. I can elaborate later, i'm off to party!

Gues I didn't think about it working both ways, because it rarely does.

AND

But can definitely say that the only place I want to be afterwards is right next to her.

Wow, is there really hope after all?

[Paulk]

The fire alarm is going off in my room. I dont feel inclined to leave.. Ugh how annoying.

Did someone say fire?

[Gleb]

Did someone say fire?

i do the same thing. Fire alarm goes off and me and my room mate just lock the door. 7 floors is way too far to go. Then we see firetrucks and decide to go down. We get to the first floor, smells like burned popcorn Stuff like this has happend 3 times i think. Waste of a 2 minute climb down.

[D-Sub]

Originally Posted by Steve Dold
In a normal healthy relationship, about the only time men really NEED to get away is the exact moment after sex is "finished", for some reason, men's brains have an internal routine programmed by years of evolution telling us to leave the area. It's like a fire alarm going off in your head. "Whoop! Whoop! Get out of the building! Whoop!" As we enter relationships we try to fight this, and we do it pretty well. But it's tough. It's like trying to train a dog to jump into your lap after you fire a starting pistol at him.

Sorry, but I'm not going to let a statement like that about men in general slip by unqualified.

And I can't say I speak for men in general. But I do know that my friends haven't mentioned anything like that in their own relationships, (mind you, I couldn't say all their relationships have been healthy either).

But can definitely say that the only place I want to be afterwards is right next to her.

So men are a mixed bunch.

And come to think of it, women are probably the same way too.

gotta agree with Dold...there's been plenty of times when right after, I wanted to be left alone, and I think its a pretty common thing. Of course not ALL men feel it

not ALL anything do anything.

[D-Sub]

i do the same thing. Fire alarm goes off and me and my room mate just lock the door. 7 floors is way too far to go. Then we see firetrucks and decide to go down. We get to the first floor, smells like burned popcorn Stuff like this has happend 3 times i think. Waste of a 2 minute climb down.

and what happens when it IS a fire and you wait too long?

sorry dude, that sounds like spoiled child laziness and could end your life some day.