New Line of Alpine Boards!!!

[Erik J]

How it is came to be….
Inspired by Shred’s go-get-em attitude in putting together the first annual MCCS. I thought I would also take matters into my own hands and start building the finest line of alpine decks that the world has ever seen. I’m talkin’ really, really good here. I really mean it. No Joke. I have a passion in my pants that would not be controlled by other board makers – so here we are. This crossroads has only two paths to take. The right one, and the wrong one. Which do choose? (Hint, mine is the right one). The name of this company? Pricodon Viradd. I did after all teach everyone everything that they know.
<O:p
Where it is…
I would like to introduce this amazing feat of genius at any Carve Session that will have me – so that you mere mortals may gape, slobber, fornicate, etc with these truly one of a kind miracles of engineering. Call me by phone at 3-15-9 or just keep reading this in amazement to set up a demo.
<O:p
The complicated stuff…
The construction techniques use only space age polymers that have been trilithographed into each and every microscopic seam with gives extrusions upwards of .000167 – can you believe it??? These numbers are never before seen!!! In addition to that (oh it gets better) I have reengineered the entire snowboards electromagnetic field to both absorb and deflect any ion that it deems unworthy. This new smart board technology not only creates a board with it’s own artificial intelligence but it looks really good too. If you’re feeling tired in the morning – your new board will make you coffee. Sore shoulders – ask your board to give you a rubdown. This is space age stuff people – not even the moon has this technology, or even Canada for that matter.
<O:p
How to get one…
I’m taking pre-orders now for delivery in 2018. Like I said call me a 3-15-9. I’m always there working on my latest unbelievably intelligent design.
<O:p
Newest construction techniques –
-this board uses only treated lumber for longevity
-really, really, really sharp saws were used to cut just the right shape for perfect scientificness
-the inserts are bomb-proof, with a perfect fit for the custom “binding hardware” (see pics)
<O:p
Feast you eyes people - notice the liberla use of metal for extreme dampness and springyness and bling and stuff <O:p
<O:p
The Futuristic Specs:
<O:p
Nose – 2”x10”
Waist – 2”x10”
Tail – 2”x10”
Sidecut – uhhhh…. Polymorphelyptical? Probably just like a Kessler.
Length – 6’
Running length – all of it
Topsheet – finest pine around
Core – more of that fine pine
Base – pine is actually really fast, you should try it
Edges – razor sharp pine
Flex – it’s pretty stiff, probably best for someone over 650 lbs.

Stay tuned for the rest of the lineup and other super duper features.
<O:p
http://i28.tinypic.com/25thhxt.jpg


http://i27.tinypic.com/10dw6qq.jpg

http://i25.tinypic.com/120hzqq.jpg

[tex1230]

Wow...I bet that's in the price range of a Tinkler?
$2000 bid, but only if you include the log next to it - I need a de-tuned park stick too.

[trailertrash]

Is this better than a Burton? Would this be an upgrade from a FP or UP?


:D

[Jack Michaud]

wait... those dampening panels are mounted asym. I'm out.

[tex1230]

You are all idiots! You have no idea what this new technology will do. Burn every board you own and embrace the Piney Sweetness!

Anybody Disagrees with that, I'll just start my own forum and leave here dramatically!

These are available on ebay - item # 270230807028
No bids yet! Get them at a steal! Not my auction, but I am hoping one of you gets lucky!


BBBBBBBBBBBBBWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


I THINK MY HEAD JUST EXPLODED

What...600 people look at this thread and nobody sends me money?
Ludicrous, I say!

[Roger the Shrubber]

You are all idiots! You have no idea what this new technology will do.

Jerk. What's your racing resume look like?

[tex1230]

CSSA 1988-1992, I kicked ass in every race. Don't you know who I am????

[tex1230]

Jerk. What's your racing resume look like?

That wasn't very polite. nice way to treat new members...:boxing_sm

[Randy T.]

WOW! What an amazing piece of craftsmanship. I have always been a sucker for wood boards. I am seriously considering putting in a pre-order but I was wondering if you could make me a custom 8' and call if the fornicator? 8' of solid pine is sure to intimidate all the jibbers.

Also are those custom fabricated trench digger plates mounted to the tip and tail for slicing extra deep trenches on icy days?

[trailertrash]

CSSA 1988-1992, I kicked ass in every race. Don't you know who I am????


nonsense. everybody knows cssa only raced sleds back then!

[tex1230]

Nonsense - we raced lunchtrays
Only those snobby Cross-M guys got the sleds.

[Erik J]

I'm sure that I don't need to entice anyone any further buuuuuuut..... I just can't get enough of my overwhelming advantage over every other board out there. Here are some more amazing pics. The first one is the non-metal version for you wierdos that don't know.

http://i26.tinypic.com/29ykvo4.jpg


Now this next beauty is my SL model - I'm only making these for the Olympics and World Cup riders. Once I find out who they are I'm sure they'll really really like it.

The metal is both transfused and sublimated for a textural contrast that is beyond words. It's on the INSIDE!! The process takes me all night and uses massive amounts of KY jelly but it's really worth it. You start with a drill and... you know what, I'm not going to giving away all of my brilliant data.

http://i27.tinypic.com/dqhp43.jpg

Taper is waht it's all about people - and these sticks have it. Check it!!!!!.......

http://i32.tinypic.com/xauu8m.jpg

[bobdea]

WOW! What an amazing piece of craftsmanship. I have always been a sucker for wood boards. I am seriously considering putting in a pre-order but I was wondering if you could make me a custom 8' and call if the fornicator? 8' of solid pine is sure to intimidate all the jibbers.

Also are those custom fabricated trench digger plates mounted to the tip and tail for slicing extra deep trenches on icy days?

the fornicator was the name of my madd!

[philw]

I'm just slightly worried that my stance won't be duck enough for this:
http://i27.tinypic.com/dqhp43.jpg

[ncermak]

I believe if you look in the rules for this forum, It says: no Bong Hits while posting...

[Steph]

Well, I just checked out the ebay auction and noticed that these fine boards are NOT being shipped w/any tuning devices. Erik, if you are willing to throw in a couple of wood chisels in every shape and size, I will place my special order for delivery in 2018! I am ready to sell off my coiler and madd and feel it is time to revamp my quiver with this amazingly awesome piece of craftsmanship you've designed. Also, you may want to consider throwing in a box of galvinized nails, some decking screws and some old tires for excellent dampening that can be added or removed and the user's sole discretion:D

I look forward to doing business with you:p

[Erik J]

To further solidify my place in history among snowboardings greatest - I am going to share my tools of the trade. NOT ONLY THAT, but if you send me three easy payments of $15,000, I will show you how to use these tools of the trade.

Now....please understand that this type of work is not for everyone. I am an artrist, an engineer, a man of the world. I can show you the tools and how to use them, but it's up to you to make the magic happen. If you think you can handle that, simply send me the money and join me in transforming the entire snowboard industry into something that even your snowboard never saw coming.


Ladies and gentlemen.......I give to you......the tools of my craft. (please limit fan mail to no more than 73 pages)

http://i27.tinypic.com/f3874j.jpg

http://i27.tinypic.com/2a93dad.jpg

http://i30.tinypic.com/2jaavm9.jpg

[willywhit]

bolt some binders on that old water ski and I'll see what she'll do...:rolleyes:

[trailertrash]

is Bruce reading this? he could really get a head start on this technology.

[Erik J]

the ultimate quiver!!!!!!

#1, the super ultimate metal

#2, for you big freaks of nature, this deck will handle your weight as well as make a temporary joist support should your house begin to fall apart.

#3 eat you heart out Tinkler, notice this one doesn't even fit in the picture, When they groom all of Mt. Everest - this will be your go-to board

#4 the squal(or). Have friends to impress, a big deal to close on the slopes, or do you just have a little weiner? This board makes whatever it is that Virus is using look like tin foil. A "sleeper", if you will, this deck has no words to describe it. Notice the genius addition of extreme taper. This board is like a fine wine, it gets better with age (so does the taper).

#5 The last one is our freeride board. Half the bells and whistles, technology and materials as the rest of the line for twice the cost. You know why???? I can put your name on it in any color sharpie you want. Those markers are permanent!

http://i25.tinypic.com/a122y1.jpg

[Erik J]

"We" also make the most luxurious stomp pad in the business. 100% kitten fur is used to ensure the finest ride around. You'll see this all over Aspen next year.
http://i28.tinypic.com/30kgfbr.jpg

[Kirk]

I like the fact that I could run low angles on the super ultimate metal - You may be seeing my Prior on the classifieds. I'm thinkin' "Super Ultimate" may be THE quiver killer - just sayin':cool:







:lol::lol::lol:

[pebu]

http://i27.tinypic.com/f3874j.jpg


They can't ship till 2018? You mean all of these boards that you have your tools setting on are already sold and awaiting shipment?? I wish I would have gotten in sooner.

[photodad2001]

the ultimate quiver!!!!!!

#5 The last one is our freeride board. Half the bells and whistles, technology and materials as the rest of the line for twice the cost. You know why???? I can put your name on it in any color sharpie you want. Those markers are permanent!

http://i25.tinypic.com/a122y1.jpg

Is number 5 an acemetric?

[KingCrimson]

Yeah, the Slalom board requires some pretty badass knee inuring skills.

Think you could make a Swallowtail? I think it might involve a sawzall.

[Bobby Buggs]

just when you thought they could not add any more value to these fine boards, I have been contracted to treat all wood used in these breath taking works of art against current and future insect damage

[carvediem]

which one would you recommend for me?

I am 180 cm and about 80 kilos

I have never carved in softboots

since the nail system seems very versatile I could use that old pair of Burton bindings from the garage on this one ...

[carvediem]

again thanks for the interview I got earlier from someone claiming to be the owner of the company so that post about it is <a href="http://stoked.at/news" target="_blank">here</a>

[Erik J]

I'm happy to see that this genius design has not gone unnoticed. I'll answer questions in the order that they were given...


Wow...I bet that's in the price range of a Tinkler?
$2000 bid, but only if you include the log next to it - I need a de-tuned park stick too.

the thought process alone is $2000 per minute



Is this better than a Burton? Would this be an upgrade from a FP or UP?


I would certainly hope so, but I've never heard of this company - are they new?


wait... those dampening panels are mounted asym. I'm out.

Fear not - when you place an order - I download your thought patterns and biomechanics onto my ipod - from there the on-board "smart board" system takes over. It knows what to do before you do. Why just this morning my super ultimate board was out in the rain changing the oil in my car - then it made me breakfast. This happened before I even woke up!



You are all idiots! You have no idea what this new technology will do. Burn every board you own and embrace the Piney Sweetness!

Anybody Disagrees with that, I'll just start my own forum and leave here dramatically!

These are available on ebay - item # 270230807028
No bids yet! Get them at a steal! Not my auction, but I am hoping one of you gets lucky!


BBBBBBBBBBBBBWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


I THINK MY HEAD JUST EXPLODED

What...600 people look at this thread and nobody sends me money?
Ludicrous, I say!


you are obviously a higher life form to recognize genius design when you see it.



WOW! What an amazing piece of craftsmanship. I have always been a sucker for wood boards. I am seriously considering putting in a pre-order but I was wondering if you could make me a custom 8' and call if the fornicator? 8' of solid pine is sure to intimidate all the jibbers.

Also are those custom fabricated trench digger plates mounted to the tip and tail for slicing extra deep trenches on icy days?


not just any wood - it's PINE. It smells nice too. 8' is gonna cost ya. We'll have to wait for the tree to grow that extra two feet and I get paid by the hour, soooooooooo....... Talk to me in about 2011. I'll let you know what you owe me.

The plates are called smart plates - they're so smart that I can't even describe them. IO don't even know what the yare and I made them. That's how good you can expect them to work.


I believe if you look in the rules for this forum, It says: no Bong Hits while posting...


....I believe if you look in the rules for this forum, It says: no Bong Hits while posting...

NOW who's right????????



Well, I just checked out the ebay auction and noticed that these fine boards are NOT being shipped w/any tuning devices. Erik, if you are willing to throw in a couple of wood chisels in every shape and size, I will place my special order for delivery in 2018! I am ready to sell off my coiler and madd and feel it is time to revamp my quiver with this amazingly awesome piece of craftsmanship you've designed. Also, you may want to consider throwing in a box of galvinized nails, some decking screws and some old tires for excellent dampening that can be added or removed and the user's sole discretion:D

I look forward to doing business with you:p


I would be happy to accomodate your needs for a special reduced price of $10,000 (does not include shipping, interstate water tax, foliage fees, master-craftsman markup or staff training to get this request out the door)

It was a pleasure doing business with you as well, simply post your social security # and all of your credit card information here on bomber. Please include the name address and credit card info of any vulnerable elderly people that you know.........as a reference.


bolt some binders on that old water ski and I'll see what she'll do...:rolleyes:

goo blobly farnswey octoplut - if ya kow what I mean


is Bruce reading this? he could really get a head start on this technology.

It's too late. I've already saturated the market. I'm moving on to yet another brilliant idea.


I like the fact that I could run low angles on the super ultimate metal - You may be seeing my Prior on the classifieds. I'm thinkin' "Super Ultimate" may be THE quiver killer - just sayin':cool:

It will actually kill your quiver. The super ultimate hates competition and has a real jealous streak.


Is number 5 an acemetric?

No, but you must specify regular or goofy. I can't explain it.


Yeah, the Slalom board requires some pretty badass knee inuring skills.

Think you could make a Swallowtail? I think it might involve a sawzall.

No sawzall needed. I'll catch a coupla birds and bust out the nail gun. Hell, we could go full on Peacock or Turkey tail if you want. I'll send a side of wing sauce too. That'll be 25 G's. Thank you, please pull around to the drive thru.


just when you thought they could not add any more value to these fine boards, I have been contracted to treat all wood used in these breath taking works of art against current and future insect damage

bring the good stuff



which one would you recommend for me?

I am 180 cm and about 80 kilos

I have never carved in softboots

since the nail system seems very versatile I could use that old pair of Burton bindings from the garage on this one ...


You'll need all of them, with backups just to be sure. Trust me, I know how to take care of my customers. You'll be so happy you won't be able to look at yourself in the mirror anymore. Send me whatever money, possessions and family you have and we can get started.


again thanks for the interview I got earlier from someone claiming to be the owner of the company so that post about it is here (http://stoked.at/news)

That must have been one hell of an interview. I don't even remember it. Now.........let's talk royalties.

[davekempmeister]

No doubt so sophisticated that any future warpage is guaranteed to enhance camber and give the ride ever increasing pop.

[pebu]

And the customer service is to die for!

[skatha]

Sheesh, you guys are nut-less...I'm going to call this what it is....



a monoski....


Put me in for 10, especially if the final price is over $3G a piece.....I have to impress the clowns I work with here in doctorland...

[Gleb]

To further solidify my place in history among snowboardings greatest - I am going to share my tools of the trade. NOT ONLY THAT, but if you send me three easy payments of $15,000, I will show you how to use these tools of the trade.

Now....please understand that this type of work is not for everyone. I am an artrist, an engineer, a man of the world. I can show you the tools and how to use them, but it's up to you to make the magic happen. If you think you can handle that, simply send me the money and join me in transforming the entire snowboard industry into something that even your snowboard never saw coming.


Ladies and gentlemen.......I give to you......the tools of my craft. (please limit fan mail to no more than 73 pages)






after some careful research and snooping, i found the REAL tools.

http://www.drbongs.co.uk/images/eidoBong.jpg

http://www.crack-pipes.com/crack-pipe.jpg

http://i.usatoday.net/news/_photos/2007/08/06/mushrooms-topper.jpg

[KingCrimson]

I have to ask, will my new boots work?

I'm really happy with them. Instead of that silly BTS, they've got fully adjustable Achilles tendons, 2 tone SoCal winter tan, and they are even Intec compatible! You have to be careful with the old Burton 2 pin-stepins, because they can hurt when you try to click in. Ride/Walk adjustments feel so natural, that it's unbelievable!

The lean is so easy to adjust too, the best in the industry.

[Sinecure]

Looking at the pics of those boards gives me ...


Wait for it.....



A WOODY :lol:

[pebu]

KC, how are those boots for insulation? Do your feet get wet or cold when riding?

[KingCrimson]

They are adaptive style outer shels, and they change colors to indicate how they are changing.

They are very cold at first, but turn waxy-pink as they begin to adapt, and when they turn black as pitch, you really don't feel any temperature discomfort at all.

[bobdea]

after some careful research and snooping, i found the REAL tools.

http://www.drbongs.co.uk/images/eidoBong.jpg

http://www.crack-pipes.com/crack-pipe.jpg

http://i.usatoday.net/news/_photos/2007/08/06/mushrooms-topper.jpg

gleb, I never figured you for someone who'd even know about stuff like that, my heart is breaking.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD KID!

[KingCrimson]

And then he went to public school..

[NateW]

Let me guess... the season in New York just ended, didn't it?

[KingCrimson]

A name for my boots...

Intelligent Moldable Anatomic Based Organic Return, Expediting Dissipation In Dorsal Interossi Odor Tangle.

Basically, a flexible, lively boot, that doesn't make your feet stink. Well, at least a specific muscle in your foot.

I'M A BORED IDIOT would be the shorter, easier to read version.

[Dave ESPI]

:smashfrea
I wonder if the MFG will take a post dated check for 2030.

Perhaps by then, there will not be any more snow with global warming and all.........


and Nate.... Yeah been over for a few weeks. I had my "final carve and bow-out" session at Stratton 2 weeks ago.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf2mCcLfQBY

You can see and hear how CRAPTASTIC it was, but still had fun :) Any day on a plank O wood and not cooking in a kitchen is better than hot oil burns and lemonjuice in a wound anyday !